Trying to be more intentional in your relationships is an important part of Christian life. Choosing to act with a servant’s heart towards the people around you can show others the love of Jesus. It also reminds us of the grace that we have been given and that we should be generous in extending it to others around us. Discover these 5 powerful ways to be more intentional in your relationships.
#1 – Practice Hospitality to Be More Intentional In Your Relationships
One way to be more intentional in your relationships is to practice hospitality. One source defines hospitality as “the act or practice of receiving and entertaining strangers or guests without reward, or with kind and generous liberality”.
When we are inviting others into our homes with the intent to serve them we are shifting our focus from ourselves onto those around us. Making them feel seen, appreciated, special.
It’s a way to tell them that you care about them and their wellbeing.
Ways to practice hospitality could be:
- Offer to host a birthday for a friend or family member
- Host holiday dinners
- Start a Sunday dinner tradition
- Invite someone for coffee/tea
- Host a bible study in your home
You can start small with this and gradually incorporate more as you get the hang of it and as you feel called to.
I truly believe that if you have a desire to grow in your relationships and invite the Lord into this He will help you. I recently moved into a new home and was thanking God for the beautiful location. I asked the Lord to help me steward this new home in a way that would glorify Him and that would serve my family. I also had to confess a bit of selfishness in wanting to keep this little piece of paradise to myself. I asked the Holy Spirit to replace that feeling with generosity instead.
It wasn’t more than a few days later that I had a guest stop by each day for about a week. As someone who likes routine and quiet time to myself, this felt like a crazy week but I was quickly reminded of my prayer and to make the most of it.
That busy week has sparked a desire to continue to serve people from my home. Hosting dinners has been something that I have enjoyed. I love observing smiling faces and hearing laughter from those at the dining table as I’m making the finishing touches on the meal before serving it.
#2 – Be More Intentional By Being Available To Those Around You
Being available for others is another way of being more intentional in your relationships. Showing that you have the time or will make time for them can communicate that you genuinely have an interest in them and what is going on in their life.
In addition, offering to be available when others want to invite you to do something is important too.
Ways to be mindful about being available to others could be:
- Offer to help do something for them like running an errand
- Accept their invitation to go for coffee or a walk
- Offer to go to lunch together after church or stay behind and pray with them
These are all ways that you can be more intentional and deepen your relationships with those around you. This allows you to dive more into conversation and create meaningful connection.
#3 – Be More Intentional With Your Words
Being intentional with how we speak may seem like an underrated way to become more intentional in your relationships but it is important.
The bible tells us that “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” in Proverbs 15:1.
The words that we speak over someone and the way we respond to them can drastically impact our relationship. Words can hurt, even when they weren’t intended to. And the delivery of those words can sting even worse if not done in a kind manner.
Over the last year, my personal aspiration has been to strive to have the law of kindness on my tongue. I am frequently reminded by the Holy Spirit of Proverbs 31:26. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Other versions of this verse, together, paint a good picture of what this looks like:.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (ESV)
When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. (NLT)
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. (MSG)
We are also advised in the bible that “kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
When we know this about the way our words can build someone up, why not use them to deepen our relationships?
For some, words of affirmation are their love language. Being mindful of this can also strengthen your relationship. When you are intentional about reminding them of how important they are to you or how you appreciate them, it can have a lasting impact on them. One that may have more power than you know.
#4 – Offer Your Time As A Way Of Being More Intentional In Your Relationships
Offering your time can be another way to be more intentional in your relationships. Think about the way you felt as a child when your parents took the time to play with you or build something with you. You felt loved, cared for and connected.
We can take this and apply it to our other relationships too. People notice and appreciate when we make time for them. This could look like spending quality time with friends or family. It could be making an effort to pay someone a visit and stay a while. Or making a phone call to a family member far away.
This can also apply to your friendships. The University of Kansas published a study on the number of hours it takes to make a close friend. It concluded that to make a “casual friend” out of an acquaintance it takes roughly 50 hours of time together. To move to a “friend” takes 90 hours. And from “friend” to “close friend” takes 200 hours of time spent together.
Think about how this can affect our relationships if we just decided to spend time with the people around us. This study specifies that its time spent together physically that creates these increments of connection. Merely working alongside someone does not produce the same results according to the study
Think about the ways you could spend quality, in-person time with the ones you love and how that could build your connections.
For some, spending quality time together is the way that they feel loved. Imagine how loved and appreciated they would feel if you were intentional in your relationship by offering your time!
#5 – Practice Thoughtfulness To Be More Intentional In Your Relationships
Practicing thoughtfulness is also a great way to be more intentional in your relationships. Thoughtfulness also means that you must have awareness of others. Taking the focus off yourself and onto someone else. Its a great way to make people feel seen and special.
This source defines thoughtfulness as “the quality of being kind and thinking about other people’s needs”.
When we think about thoughtfulness we might think about the random acts of kindness that we hear of. This is one way to act in a thoughtful manner.
When it comes to your relationships with the people around you, can you brainstorm ways that you can practice thoughtfulness towards them? What can you do without them asking? How can you anticipate their needs?
Some ideas to get you started:
- Send a friend a kind text or make a phone call to let them know that you are thinking about them
- Verbally express your gratitude for your husband and how hard he works
- Check in with your friend who just had surgery. See how she is doing and offer to come help with house or yardwork.
- You know your sister feels most loved when she receives words of affirmation so you call her to congratulate her on her new job and tell her how proud you are.
- Your friend just bought a house so you bring her a card and a housewarming gift and help her unpack.
Practicing thoughtfulness where you can is a skill that can be developed over time. It may take some conscious effort to take mental note of what makes people feel loved or important dates like anniversaries or birthdays. But the effort is worth it. Showing your loved ones that you truly care for them and their needs will go a long way in developing and maintaining your relationships.
Bonus: Bring Intentionality Into Your Spiritual Life
Being intentional in your spiritual life such as developing a bible reading habit or making time to sit with the Lord and pray can help you develop better relationships. In the post How to Bring Intentionality into Your Spiritual Growth Journey you will learn how to take action on this and grow in spiritual maturity.
If you are looking for a FREE tool to help you with intentionality in your walk with the Lord check out my Spiritual Growth Goal Setting Workbook. It will walk you through 5 main goal areas, offer ideas and actionable ways to incorporate those goals into your life and provide you with goal examples. You will also get three templates to use: a S.M.A.R.T. goal worksheet, a S.O.A.P. Bible study template, and a monthly goal tracker template. This will be your companion as you set off on your spiritual growth journey and it is absolutely FREE for you today.
Closing Prayer
Lord, I lift up the woman reading this. I ask that you would help her as she seeks to improve her relationship with those around her. Holy Spirit, show her the ways in which she can love and serve the people close to her. Help her to remember that speaking with intention and kindness will build others up and is good for them. Give her ideas and ways that she can be generous and thoughtful towards her loved ones in a way that is tailored for them – to make them feel special and valued. Most of all, help her to shine her light for all to see the love of Jesus through her. In Jesus’ name, amen.
